I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
