my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
