I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
