Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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