Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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