party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
