I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
