When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
