From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
