so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
