all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
