i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
