Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
