my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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