I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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