Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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