Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
