Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
