As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
