Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
