Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
