I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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