Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
