maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
