a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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