i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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