just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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