called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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