took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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