And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
