It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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