thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
