She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My bed smells like the plague
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
