my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
