No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
