Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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