We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
