Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
