but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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