after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
