ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
