Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Watching her eat just hurts me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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