Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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