just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
