Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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