He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
