Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
