you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He passed out mid-signature
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
