Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
