It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
