im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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