You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
