Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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