First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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