Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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