google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
