I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
