I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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